Tuesday, August 09, 2005

There Is No Sex in the Restroom (with apologies to Chris Rock)

Part of my job is to prevent more than one person from going into a stall together. Partially it's because we want to be a professional establishment as possible. It's just not a classy joint if folks are slapping nasties in the restroom. Plus, no one wants to hear someone else having sex in a public restroom. It's just tacky, not to mention a little uncomfortable for the other guests. I'm pretty positive that I don't want to hear it, either. It's pretty unsettling to hear people have sex in a public place. Not that I have any experience in that, but I'm not rushing out to prove my point.

So far, I have had several heterosexual couples try it but I'm too quick for them. I kindly let them know that I cannot allow more than one person per stall. For the most part, they understand. They laugh it off. It's as though they knew they were going to get caught, but tried anyway. Hey, you can't blame them for trying.

Others have tried to pay me off. How much money they are offering me I don't know. I don't look at it. I have to nicely refuse. It's not that I wouldn't mind the money. It's that I am pretty happy to have a job. I don't want that to change for a while. Believe me, I understand what it's like when the moment hits. I'm an adult with my own biological needs.

Another reason I have to prevent couples from entering stalls is that narcotics are still illegal in this country. One evening I tried unsuccessfully to prevent two men from entering a stall. At first, I wasn't sure exactly what they were doing. Thankfully, there are speakers pumping music into the restroom so I could not hear a thing if they had started to get it on. However, when they both emerged from the stall with glassy eyes ten minutes later, I quickly surmised that they were not engaging in any sexual activity. I don't know exactly which drugs they were taking that night, but I have one or two ideas. It's ridiculous because I feel that there are better things to spend your money on.

I could be a hypocrite in that, though. I spend money on alcohol and what does that do for me? It makes me feel great for a few hours. Most of the night I'm traveling to the bathroom to take a piss. You know the old saying: You only rent beer. It's true. Yet, it's a whole helluva lot cheaper than a $3000 a month cocaine habit.

Until next time...

5 Comments:

Blogger genderpretender said...

so can you tell me where this restaurant is so i know where to go next time if i do not want to screw my hot date? lol ;)

anyway i have a blog here too...username genderpretender

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Blogger stargirlmaria said...

I love your blog my ever loving restroom attendant! Keep 'em comin!

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