Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My New Powers

I recently found out that I have new powers.

I can tell the bartenders to cut someone off if they've had a little too much to drink.

I guess it goes without saying that I'm the person who would pay the most attention to people in the restaurant. I come into contact with the most people. Plus, I interact with them more. Hell, I have nothing better to do.

As the night progresses -- and this is most true of Friday and Saturday nights -- I watch people slowly (or in some cases quickly) get drunk. When they first come the the restroom, they have full control of their appendages. By 10pm some people can barely put one foot in front of the other. There are those people that I can zero out and recognize from the get go that they will be drunk as the night continues. Others surprise me.

Last week we had a corporate Christmas party take over the bottom floor. An Indian gentleman held the distinction of the drunkest man of the evening. So much so that he vomited in a stall. Most people are very discreet about vomiting and he was no exception. I did not know he was vomiting until he walked out of the stall and then rinsed his mouth out at the sink. That's always a bad sign for me. I know that when this happens, someone's trying to get a nasty taste out of their mouth.

After he left I checked the stall and, sure enough, it smelled pretty ripe. It was then I approached the bartender and told him to cut the gentleman off. The bartender told me that I should never be afraid to tell any of the other bartenders the same.

I guess in an age of frivolous lawsuits our restaurant could easily be sued for something like selling too many drinks. I'm positive I've read something like that in the past.

It's pretty exciting to know that I have such powers. I could easily abuse them. I'm now tempted to cut off any asshole that is mean to me. It'll never happen, but I can always dream.


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