Monday, September 26, 2005

Ah, Weekends.

Your Ever-Lovin' Restroom Attendant had a wacky weekend full of celebrities (major and minor ones), children dressed like Disney characters, and SEX! Yes kids, I had to prevent more couples from slapping nasties in the stalls.

All hell broke loose on Saturday evening when a large group of people showed up at one time. A girl with a dress the size of a postage stamp entered a stall and her thuggish boyfriend followed behind. I kindly let them know that I can only allow one per stall. His response was that she was sick and he had to take care of her.

Honestly, she looked fine to me. In a true moment of greatness where I felt the gods were on my side, she said in a sober voice, "I only have to pee, so get out!" She kicked him out of the stall. As they waited for the elevator a few minutes later it became obvious that he was being a crankypants. Over the noise of loud music and others talking I heard him tell her the "shut the fuck up!" Classy.

About a half hour later she appeared in the restroom again. This time a group of her friends were comforting her and helping her touch up her mascara. I can only hope she kicked him in the nuts very hard to prevent him from procreating.

At the same time this was happening, two women were upset about the bathroom and decided to take it out on me. Woman #1 was upset that the previous tenant of the stall she entered had urinated on the seat. Obviously it was my fault. My nefarious plans carried out once again. (Nya ha ha!) Woman #2 was upset over the design of the restroom. My only response to this was that I did not design the restroom and I was doing my best to make it a comfortable situation for everyone. If she had any complaints, the management would definitely be able to address it. Passing the buck is a beautiful concept at times. I don't normally do it, but what else was I supposed to do when there was twenty people in the restroom and I was trying to help them all with questions?

The best moment of the weekend came on Friday night. A man and woman entered into the restroom at a lull in the evening. No one else was occupying the stalls. He asked, "Are all the stall open?" I let him know that they were all open, but had a suspicion that something was about to happen. My first indication was that she had been in restroom about a minute earlier. Of course, they both entered the handicapped* stall together.

I let them know that I could only allow one per stall. They were okay with that and she left, with a disappointed look on her face.

A few minutes later he finishes his business and exits the stall. As he was washing his hands he said, "Sorry about that. She gets excited sometimes."

What is she, a dog?

Don't worry about me, though. All in all it was a fun weekend. I survived and my pocketbook is sated for now.

Until next time,

*ed. note: Handicapped stalls have more room to work with, don't you know! I'll post some tales of the handicapped stall at a later date.


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