Thursday, January 12, 2006

Cougar on the Prowl

Last Friday evening a Cougar showed up at the restaurant. (Go ahead, follow the link. I'll be here when you get back.)

Back? Good!

I had no clue who this woman was, much less she was a cougar until later in the evening. My first contact with this woman was when she walked into the restroom. One of our bussers was showing her where the restroom was. He looked as though he was bear about to gnaw off its paw stuck in a trap. When she entered I directed her to an open stall. She did not acknowledge me.

After doing her business she came out of the stall and set her enormous old lady purse on the sink. Since the sink is a flat surface with strategically placed drainage canals it tends to look like a table. Also, water tends to pool unless I use a squeegee to help it along its way. Since it was a little busy I hadn't had the moment to squeegee the sink. Of course, she set her huge old lady purse right in a pool of water.

I let her know that she was getting her purse wet. In fact, I moved it so it wouldn't get wetter. She did not thank me for it. Instead, she just put her hands under the faucet.

"It's not automatic, ma'am," I explained. "You need to lift the handle."

No response.

"Lift the handle."

This time I got a response. She shook her hands under the tap as if she was above and beyond any manual labor. I reluctantly turned the water on for her. Once she was done she did not thank me. She just walked out of the restroom holding the still dripping purse.

A little time went by and one of the hostesses came to answer the call of nature. When she was leaving I asked, "Hey! Have you seen that lady with the floral shirt and thick framed glasses?"

"Yeah," she said. "She's a weirdo. She'll be crying in the bar at 2am if no one goes home with her."

It's always nice to get confirmation that you're not imagining strange behavior.

Later in the evening a group of men in their mid to late 20s were using the restroom. One of the guys got done first and was washing his hands.

Guy #1: "Some weird lady was hitting on my friend in the bar. We had to get out of there.

Y.E.L.R.A.: "Was she wearing a floral print shirt?"

Guy #1: "Yeah! She's ... "

Y.E.L.R.A.: "Something else?"

Guy #1: "Yeah, that would be an understatement."

(Guy #2 starts washing his hands.)

Guy #1: "Hey, he's come into contact with that cougar."

Guy #2: "Dude, you know she's your type. You should ask her out."

Guy #1: "Whatever. Quit lying. You know you like her better."

As the night progressed I found myself going up to the bar a few times to take care of things. Each time the Cougar was talking to someone else. Each time her victim had a cornered animal look on their faces.

As I was leaving for the night, she was still there. She seemed desperate at this point. She was looking around for someone to talk to. I caught her looking at me and all I could do was look away and head quickly for the door.


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