Sunday, January 08, 2006


I really want to tell you all about my New Year's Eve, but this evening was so annoying and is still fresh in my mind. Therefore, I will give you a few stories about Saturday January 7th, 2006.


Story #1

Man: Can I ask you a question?

Y.E.L.R.A.: Sure

Man: What's up with the unisex bathroom?

Y.E.L.R.A.: That's sort of a rhetorical question, isn't it?

Man: No, I think it's a perfectly legitimate question.

Y.E.L.R.A.: Okay... what exactly do you mean by that question?

Man: I mean, why a unisex bathroom? It's a little unusual, isn't it?

Y.E.L.R.A.: I believe that's the point.


Story #2

As I was directing a woman towards a newly opened stall, the man who came out of the aforementioned stall decided to be a wiseass.

Wiseass: Don't go in there. Someone just tore it up in there.

He then walked away, laughing like he felt he accomplished something amazing.

At this point I gave him the thumbs up and stated "classy!"

He didn't get it.


Story #3

I am embarrassed by white people. Most of the people that come to the restaurant are what would be considered Yuppies. These are the people that can afford a new house and still go out to eat. They don't have children. Thus, they have money to burn. Or snort. Take your pick.

Time to admit my major secret: I'm white. Shocking, I know. However, I prefer to think of myself as Irish-German American and separate myself from those people that come to the restaurant. The first thing that makes me different -- at least in my mind -- is that I have taste in music, films, etc. The second thing is that I know that I cannot dance if my life depended on it.

Working in the restroom tends to be a double-edged sword. On one hand, I get to see and hear some of the most interesting things. There are speakers in the restroom and I get to hear some good music. On the other, I am a captive audience at times. Some to the drunk idiots know that and they like to dance -- absolutely horribly -- in the restroom. This is the point in the evening where I stop giving a shit.

I must also comment about one of the regular DJs (let's call him "DJ Predictable") that work at the restaurant. His repertoire is ... well ... predictable. He plays the same songs in the same order every night he spins. I haven't seen the good DJ in months. DJ Predictable isn't as bad as the guy who played mash-ups all night long, but he's a close second. DJ Predictable likes to play two songs that get the white people off their asses. The first is Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Got Your Money."

Another thing I need to explain is the Screaming Woman. Each night there is always at least one screaming woman that comes into the restroom. The Screaming Woman likes to scream at the top of her lungs and let everyone within shouting distance know that she is having the time of her life. Her expectations seem to be that everyone should be drawn into her world. Examples of what the Screaming Woman says is "Whooooooo! This bathroom is so cool!"

When ODB's "Got Your Money" came on tonight the Screaming Woman of this evening happened to be in the restroom. She and another man started dancing. Right on cue the Screaming Woman screamed, "Whooooooo! I love ODB!"

At this point one of my managers happened to be washing his hands. He came up to me and said, "White people. The make me so embarrassed."

See? I'm not the only one.

The other song is Kanye West's "Golddigger." I really like this song, but I'm quickly beginning to hate it. Every damn time the song comes on I hear a group of women screaming. Many run out of the restroom screaming "Whoooooooo! I love this song!"

They then dance as poorly as possible.


Blogger domestic_valerie said...

oh god...that's me. i was the screaming woman who can't dance but will when drunk. at least i can admit it...i am so ashamed.

9:26 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home