Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Me am Liking Bizarro Weekend. Me am Serious!


Talk about a Bizarro weekend. Something about the moon's gravitational pull or unexpected reactions to comic strips threw the weekend off. Nothing went according to plan.

The crowd was odd. None of the restaurants usual crowd came by. Usually I recognize several faces in the crowd, but not a damn soul. Alas. I don't know what we did to deserve that one.

To start things off, on Friday night one of the supports for a couple of stall doors broke. Yes, that's right. A two-inch thick piece of wood broke. For the life of me I can't figure that one out. It wasn't much of an issue until Saturday night when I realized that it was dangerously close to collapsing. As our only solution, I had to put "OUT OF ORDER" signs on those stall doors. I was short two stalls for the night. That immediately threw off my balance.

I had these images running through my mind of the door collapsing and falling on someone unsuspectingly washing their hands. Secretly I would have enjoyed seeing that. However, I would have never forgiven myself if someone got seriously injured.

To add to the chaos of the evening, the crowd was just a little odd. My favorite person to pick on/enemy of the evening was this man was incredibly annoying. Everything he said just made me want to kick him in his privates. I overheard his conversation on his cell phone with a friend:

Man: "Hey bro! ... Yeah, I'm with some out of town friends. ... Exactly! They'll probably be running around taking pictures of the most monotonous things... "

This, coming from the guy who had an enormous pot belly and was wearing a pair of flip-flops that were on sale at K-Mart for $4. He also had a well-manicured beard and his hair was frosted. I was surprised that people still got their hair frosted. Being from the Mid-West I'm accustomed to seeing women with frosted hair when I go back for a visit. It never surprises me. However, I like to think that Californians are above these sort of things. I like to think that I live in the center of high culture and all that. What was this guy thinking?

Scratch that, what was his wife thinking when she said that it looked okay? He pointed out a woman to me and said that they had been married for 21 years. I'll have to admit that I was shocked that he even had a wife. It's not like he was repulsive, it's just that I pictured him trolling the bear bars looking for a bottom.

Perhaps they married for money.

Whatever. I was glad to see that drunk people can at least read. No one accidentally stumbled into one of the affected stalls, causing a chain reaction of collapsing doors.

Before I leave you, I will give you a few examples of what it is like to interact with a tired, grumpy Y.E.L.R.A. As you will find out, my sarcasm levels rise:

Scene 1: Two women try to enter a stall together.

Y.E.L.R.A.: Ladies, I can only allow one person per stall.

Woman: Are you serious?

Y.E.L.R.A.: I am, otherwise I wouldn't have said that.

Guy: He's always serious.

I have no idea who the hell that guy was, but he deserves a knee in the groin.

Scene 2: Guy enters restroom, I point out an open stall.

Guy: (looking around) Where are the pissers?

Y.E.L.R.A.: Open the stall door and find out for yourself.

and... Cut!


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